He first refused to open it and told his flatmate to tell me that he didn't want to receive any more 'presents'. I was annoyed and hurt, but I said that if that was the case then I want the envelope back. I needed closure, and if he wasn't going to open it, then I needed to get rid of it myself.
I asked his flatmate to get it back from him and return it to me, but by then he had already opened it. It really felt like "The End" then. I expected furious phonecalls or texts, demanding I leave him alone or questioning why I sent that to him, but I didn't receive any. I suppose it helped that he had just organised a second date with Jemma. He had forgotten about me already.
It felt painful to sleep that night and I just wanted to be back home, but I forced myself to carry on. Friday came.
I have a ridiculously busy day on Fridays, starting at 10am and finishing at 6pm. My friend Georgia was supposed to come and meet me, but her lecture was rescheduled so she couldn't. I felt weak hearing this as I really needed to rely on someone at that moment and she wasn't there. I was determined to pretend nothing was wrong and carry on with my homework due for the day.
I had a class from 4-5pm and another from 5-6pm. I couldn't concentrate and kept drifting off, thinking about Adam and what he must be doing tonight. Halfway during my 4pm class, my phone went off. It was a number I didn't recognise and, embarrassed, I quickly turned the phone to silent and put it back in my bag.
My class finished slightly late and I had to rush to my 5pm class, where we were sitting a formal assessment. I wrote the essay, which I had barely prepared for and left the class 10 minutes early. I took out my phone and saw that I had two missed calls from two different numbers I didn't recognise. My heart started to beat fast as I thought it may have been Adam. I also had a voicemail.
I opened the voicemail. It was a message from my doctor's surgery, asking me to call them back urgently. I have had problems eating and sleeping well ever since I found out that Adam was cheating, leading me to lose a lot of weight over time - I went from 52kg to 40kg in a few months. Having always been skinny, losing the additional weight is frightening, but I find it really hard to eat these days. The 'sick' feeling in my stomach, from knowing what he has done to me and continues to do to me makes it impossible to build an appetite, and I often go the entire day with only one meal.
I made a note of the surgery's number and called back the other phone number - it was busy.
I thought it must have been my doctor's personal number and I decided to call back later.
I walked back with one of my friends and went down to the dining hall for dinner at 6.25pm. Dinner in our halls is only served from 6.30pm, so we had to join a long queue. While in the queue I decided to call back the unknown number.
"Hi, I got a missed call from this number."
"Hello, is this Amy?" I was surprised to be referred to as 'Amy' rather than 'Amelia' by a surgery number and thought it must be someone I had met at my conference earlier. I didn't recognise the voice.
"Yes, this is Amy."
"This is Adam...Bankson, could you go somewhere quiet so we can talk?"
I froze.
It was him.
I hadn't even recognised the voice.
I turned towards my friend who was looking at me quizzically. She must have noticed me go pale.
"It's him" I said to her, "It's Adam."
"Put the phone down!" She replied urgently.
I put the phone down straight-away.
It had been over 2 weeks since I had heard his voice and I couldn't breathe properly. How could he keep trying to get back into my life? Especially now that he was seeing Jemma? He had what he wanted. I just want to be left alone to recover.
Looking back, I can't believe he called me from a different number, knowing I wouldn't pick up if he called using a number I would recognise.
But I've given him too many chances now. It is about time I moved on and focused on myself. I deserve better than a guy who continues to hurt me.
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