Instead I feel empty. Like there's nothing left inside me. No emotions, no hope, no desire and no ambition. For someone who has always been very focused on getting the best grades, making the best of opportunities, this is a frightening realisation.
I had two problem sets due in today which I couldn't do. I didn't even try. My roommate told me that there is a possibility I would get barred from exams at the end of the year because of this, but I hardly care at the moment.
I spend my entire day on Facebook, Youtube or iPlayer. Just watching random music videos to help me get over Adam or watching romantic movies and hoping my life will turn out to be a fairy-tale. I still want to keep dreaming.
I saw a quote today:
"You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one"
And it has made me realise that I can't move on to the next guy if I keep looking back, hoping Adam will come after me. He won't. He's got a new girl who he's in love with and who he believes is 'special'.
I have a list of things I need to do. I need to:
- Stop caring
- Stop craving for news from him
- Stop stalking him on Facebook, hoping he writes something to someone about me or gives some sort of indication that he wants me back
- Start being happy - I need to put a smile on my face and be brave, enjoy every new day
- Prioritise myself - it's no one else's responsibility to love me, it's mine
- Believe in myself - I am beautiful enough and I have so much to offer in any relationship
- Dream
I hope that I will end up doing these things over the next few months. I want to help test that time is a great healer. I will update this 'diary' with how well I manage to stick to this.
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