Giving up on me?

I met one of my friends after lectures yesterday. I hadn't seen her for a few months and we had never been close. She moved to my school in Year 12 and we barely talked. Earlier this year we had got back into touch and I suggested that we meet up for lunch.

Though accidental, I was glad I was meeting her on the 21st of January - exactly a year since me and Adam had started dating - I needed to fill the time to make that day go as fast as possible.

Meeting her was something of an epiphany moment. She had also been through a crappy year-long relationship (though no physical or emotional abuse, or cheating was involved) and now she was much happier. I had never seen her as a wise, or even understanding, person and yet she said some amazing things which really made me question my thoughts and where I am now.

I told her that the thing that scared me the most was having regrets in ten years time about giving up on a guy who might just have been the best thing that happened to me. But she said,

"In ten years time, you will never look back and regret giving up on him if you are in a much better place and you've achieved your dreams and desires. You'll only regret giving up on yourself when you could have continued to go after what you deserve."

This was truth told in no sugared terms.

And she's right. If I let Adam derail my drive, my ambition and fail university this year, I will hurt more thinking about how I lost myself in the process when I should have pursued my life. Every second wasted is me taking the time away that I know I deserve and he doesn't.

In ten years time, if I have done everything I wanted to do, or at least tried to live my life as well as I can, I may only regret a small part of the 'what if'. But, if I give up now and throw away my future then I will only end up with more to regret.

She was right. And I need to believe it.