23/12/2012 15:58: Amy: Hey I needed some advice
23/12/2012 15:58: Amy: I haven't checked Adam's fb for over
a week
23/12/2012 15:58: Amy: But I'm tempted to now
23/12/2012 15:59: Amy: Because I'm thinking about giving him
another chance
23/12/2012 15:59: Amy: Not telling him
23/12/2012 15:59: Amy: But if he tries with me again, which
is unlikely, I won't say no.
23/12/2012 15:59: Amy: But for this, I need to know where he
is with his life
23/12/2012 16:00: Amy: So, should I?
23/12/2012 16:30: Jane: What's making you think you should
give him another chance
23/12/2012 16:31: Amy: Not another chance
23/12/2012 16:31: Amy: As in I won't go back to him
23/12/2012 16:31: Amy: I won't contact him
23/12/2012 16:31: Amy: But if HE tries (which won't happen)
23/12/2012 16:31: Amy: I won't say no
23/12/2012 16:32: Amy: Jane I don't want to live with
someone I'm not in love with
23/12/2012 16:32: Amy: And I know I'm not in love with Adam
yet
23/12/2012 16:32: Amy: But I think I could have been
23/12/2012 16:32: Amy: If he hadn't cheated/ proven himself
23/12/2012 16:33: Amy: And every single day I'm so so so
scared that I won't find anyone else
23/12/2012 16:33: Amy: I'm not hurting now
23/12/2012 16:33: Amy: But I think about him every second of
every day
23/12/2012 16:34: Jane: But it's still fresh
23/12/2012 16:34: Jane: Very fresh,
23/12/2012 16:34: Jane: And it's no wonder you'll be
thinking about him when you're abroad just with fam
23/12/2012 16:35: Jane: And you never feel like you'll find
someone else, until you 'kind of' find someone else, and you then know ij's
possible
23/12/2012 16:35: Jane: The thing is not only did Adam cheat
on you
23/12/2012 16:36: Jane: But he also did his best to
emotionally hurt you
23/12/2012 16:36: Jane: And make out like you're the
problem, and convince you that you won't find someone else
23/12/2012 16:36: Jane: And I don't understand why you'd
want someone who has not only hurt you but DELIBERATELY hurt you back in your
life
23/12/2012 16:36: Jane: Because again you will NOT progress
23/12/2012 16:37: Jane: You will simply be back at the
bottom of the cycle
23/12/2012 16:37: Jane: And have to go all the way round
again to the point in which you are now
23/12/2012 16:37: Jane: The top of it, in which you say
you're not hurting
23/12/2012 16:38: Jane: You're almost at that small gap in a
key ring where you'll escape
23/12/2012 16:38: Jane: Why would you tighten the gap and
take another lap?
23/12/2012 16:38: Amy: Do you know why?
23/12/2012 16:38: Amy: Because I see my parents every day
23/12/2012 16:38: Amy: This is really personal btw
23/12/2012 16:38: Amy: So I don't want anyone to know
23/12/2012 16:38: Amy: But
23/12/2012 16:39: Amy: They love each other
23/12/2012 16:39: Amy: So much
23/12/2012 16:39: Amy: Yet they are not "in love"
23/12/2012 16:39: Amy: They'll do anything for the other
23/12/2012 16:39: Amy: And they've spent 22 years together
23/12/2012 16:39: Amy: (Their anniversary was this month)
23/12/2012 16:39: Amy: Yet I don't think they fully
understand the other
23/12/2012 16:40: Amy: It's been a month since I had contact
with him
23/12/2012 16:40: Amy: Surely I should have moved on now?
23/12/2012 16:40: Amy: And I don't want the "kind
of"
23/12/2012 16:40: Amy: If it's never someone who doesn't
understand me, I'll realise that the longer I wait,
23/12/2012 16:41: Amy: The more I'm losing Adam forever and
ever
23/12/2012 16:41: Amy: It's not that I don't have the choice
23/12/2012 16:41: Amy: I just don't have a choice like him
23/12/2012 16:41: Amy: There's no-one I've met so far who
just "gets" me
23/12/2012 16:41: Jane: Yeah of course
23/12/2012 16:41: Jane: Some people start out in love and
lose it and just love each other too though
23/12/2012 16:42: Amy: Since I ended it with Adam
23/12/2012 16:42: Jane: But with Adam not only can you never
realistically be in love with him
23/12/2012 16:42: Amy: I've had two people ask me out
23/12/2012 16:42: Jane: Your lack of trust will turn into
resentment and spite
23/12/2012 16:42: Amy: I've said no to both
23/12/2012 16:42: Amy: Because it will not go anywhere
23/12/2012 16:42: Amy: They don't understand me
23/12/2012 16:42: Jane: And that surely is not worse than
just loving each other
23/12/2012 16:42: Amy: They never will
23/12/2012 16:43: Amy: But I don't want to ever lose that
23/12/2012 16:43: Amy: I never want to fall 'out of love'
23/12/2012 16:43: Jane: You will find people that understand
you
23/12/2012 16:43: Amy: And I want it to be forever
23/12/2012 16:43: Jane: Adam was only the first
23/12/2012 16:43: Jane: Even when you're happily married
23/12/2012 16:43: Amy: Just before I broke contact
23/12/2012 16:43: Jane: You will find men who understand you
23/12/2012 16:43: Amy: Adam talked about having a family
with me
23/12/2012 16:43: Amy: And how I was throwing all that away
23/12/2012 16:44: Amy: And that's stuck in my mind
23/12/2012 16:44: Jane: Adam didn't actually understand you,
if he thought you'd cheat on him etc
23/12/2012 16:44: Jane: He's emotionally blackmailing you. Amy
do you think realistically he's really thinking about a family right now?
23/12/2012 16:45: Amy: But that was my fault
23/12/2012 16:45: Amy: I never clarified to him that I
wouldn't.
23/12/2012 16:45: Jane: Thinking about screwing his teacher, drinking so heavily, going out with all these girls
23/12/2012 16:45: Amy: I'm naturally flirtatious and I never
knew it. I just didn't know that I flirt with people
23/12/2012 16:45: Amy: And he tried to tell me
23/12/2012 16:46: Amy: But I didn't get it
23/12/2012 16:46: Amy: I didn't try to change
23/12/2012 16:46: Amy: I kept in close contact with my exes
23/12/2012 16:46: Amy: Which he hated
23/12/2012 16:46: Amy: And I knew he hated it
23/12/2012 16:46: Amy: But I still did it
23/12/2012 16:46: Amy: I went to see david at his uni
23/12/2012 16:46: Jane: But Amy
23/12/2012 16:46: Jane: As early as December he was lying to
you
23/12/2012 16:46: Jane: You can't blame yourself for that
23/12/2012 16:46: Jane: You can't blame yourself for any of
it
23/12/2012 16:46: Amy: And I stayed over (not with him) but
I went
23/12/2012 16:47: Jane: But he didn't truly understand you,
or at least he's making out like he didn't
23/12/2012 16:47: Amy: I was always on holiday
23/12/2012 16:47: Amy: During uni breaks
23/12/2012 16:47: Amy: So I couldn't meet up with him
23/12/2012 16:48: Amy: So he felt unwanted
23/12/2012 16:48: Jane: But you know how hard it was to
start a relationship with someone else while you were with Adam?
23/12/2012 16:48: Amy: I didn't make time with him
23/12/2012 16:48: Jane: If he really felt you were cheating,
why was it so easy for him to 'cheat back'?
23/12/2012 16:48: Amy: I never could. I was with Adam. And
even when he would ignore me for days on end, I wouldn't have started a
relationship with someone
23/12/2012 16:49: Amy: Even when I found out he was cheating
and Harry was there, I couldn't do it
23/12/2012 16:49: Jane: Exactly
23/12/2012 16:49: Amy: Because I didn't make him feel
wanted. So he got it from someone who did
23/12/2012 16:49: Amy: Those girls wanted him
23/12/2012 16:49: Amy: His own gf didn't.
23/12/2012 16:49: Amy: When he told me he was adopted
23/12/2012 16:50: Amy: Or when he said he was suicidal
23/12/2012 16:50: Amy: I didn't take it too seriously
23/12/2012 16:50: Amy: I didn't believe him completely
23/12/2012 16:50: Amy: When I should have jumped to help him
23/12/2012 16:50: Amy: To be there for him every second of
every day
23/12/2012 16:51: Amy: To be there for him completely
23/12/2012 16:51: Amy: Yet I wasn't.
23/12/2012 16:51: Jane: He told you he was adopted?
23/12/2012 16:51: Amy: You didn't know?
23/12/2012 16:51: Amy: He did
23/12/2012 16:52: Amy: Then he said he lied
23/12/2012 16:52: Amy: Then he said he didn't lie
23/12/2012 16:52: Amy: Then he said he did
23/12/2012 16:52: Jane: He didn't ever say that to me
23/12/2012 16:52: Jane: Or jade or martin
23/12/2012 16:52: Amy: Then he told me he lied about being
adopted because it was the only way of getting me to care and come back to him
23/12/2012 16:53: Amy: He's not adopted, Jane.
23/12/2012 16:53: Jane: My God!
23/12/2012 16:53: Jane: How can someone lie about that
23/12/2012 16:53: Amy: I was disgusted that he'd stoop so
low
23/12/2012 16:53: Jane: And why does he think it's a way of
getting someone to care for them!
23/12/2012 16:53: Amy: Because it's such a serious place to
be
23/12/2012 16:54: Amy: Because I know people who have been.
And he knew how sensitive I was to it
23/12/2012 16:54: Amy: Because I'd seen them struggle
23/12/2012 16:54: Amy: And tried to help them
23/12/2012 16:56: Jane: I can't believe he'd lie then un lie
then lie again
23/12/2012 16:56: Jane: If he's capable of lying about that
23/12/2012 16:57: Jane: Amy he has lied so much!
23/12/2012 16:57: Amy: I believed him the first time
23/12/2012 16:57: Jane: He lied to me all the time
23/12/2012 16:57: Jane: He lied to jade
23/12/2012 16:57: Jane: He just lies
23/12/2012 16:57: Amy: And told him I was so so sorry for
not giving him the security he needed
23/12/2012 16:58: Amy: What did he lie to jade about?
23/12/2012 16:58: Amy: And you?
23/12/2012 16:58: Amy: I know he lied. But he was just doing
it to get me back
23/12/2012 16:58: Jane: He'd lie about where he'd been
23/12/2012 16:58: Jane: Who he'd been with
23/12/2012 16:59: Amy: What?
23/12/2012 16:59: Amy: Such as?
23/12/2012 16:59: Jane: Like one time he was with Clara and
martin in a bar
23/12/2012 16:59: Amy: Okay
23/12/2012 16:59: Jane: And martin kissed this girl
23/12/2012 16:59: Jane: And Adam apparently left with the girl
martin kissed and another girl
23/12/2012 17:00: Jane: And didn't go back with martin and
Clara
23/12/2012 17:00: Jane: And didn't come back until the
morning
23/12/2012 17:00: Jane: He made out at first like he did
23/12/2012 17:00: Jane: But then later he said he didn't
23/12/2012 17:00: Jane: And no one knows what actually
happened
23/12/2012 17:01: Amy: Maybe he was with me?
23/12/2012 17:01: Jane: Well
23/12/2012 17:01: Amy: Is this an american girl by any
chance?
23/12/2012 17:01: Jane: He said he was upset because you
were at a friend's
23/12/2012 17:01: Jane: No idea
23/12/2012 17:01: Jane: Apparently she had scabby lips
23/12/2012 17:02: Amy: It was probably when I was with david
then
23/12/2012 17:02: Amy: He's just a really good friend
23/12/2012 17:02: Amy: So I spent a lot of time with him
23/12/2012 17:02: Amy: Because he made the effort
23/12/2012 17:03: Amy: Erm no idea who had scabby lips! :P
23/12/2012 17:03: Jane: Lol
23/12/2012 17:03: Jane: Martin said she did
23/12/2012 17:03: Amy: But me and Adam didn't really tell
people when we spent time together
23/12/2012 17:03: Jane: And scabby hands or somethin
23/12/2012 17:03: Jane: I don't
23/12/2012 17:03: Jane: Know
23/12/2012 17:03: Amy: So he might have been trying to cover
that up
23/12/2012 17:03: Amy: But if she was american
23/12/2012 17:03: Jane: But my point is he first said one
thing them completely turned it round
23/12/2012 17:04: Amy: Because there was this one time him,
clara and martin made friends with these american girls
23/12/2012 17:04: Jane: But he was definitely with these
girls
23/12/2012 17:04: Amy: And then Adam kissed one of them in
april
23/12/2012 17:04: Amy: When he said 'she kissed him' and he
backed off straight away
23/12/2012 17:05: Amy: I get your point, but if he was
covering up for spending time with me (was this when everyone knew we were
going out?) Then it won't matter. But if he was lying to cover-up spending time
with another girl, then it would
23/12/2012 17:06: Jane: But he always did that
23/12/2012 17:06: Jane: He'd lie and then
23/12/2012 17:06: Jane: Days later lie again
23/12/2012 17:06: Amy: What else did he lie about?
23/12/2012 17:06: Amy: I feel exhausted when I try to work
out his lies
23/12/2012 17:06: Jane: Well
23/12/2012 17:06: Amy: And sort them through
23/12/2012 17:07: Jane: He'd say things about his
relationship with his dad
23/12/2012 17:07: Jane: And his dad's health or whatever
23/12/2012 17:07: Jane: Then say something very different
23/12/2012 17:08: Amy: Yeah he did that with me too
23/12/2012 17:07: Jane: Or he'd talk about speaking to
people when he hadn't
23/12/2012 17:08: Jane: He'd make out like he's had a bad
time at home but then say he can't wait to go home
23/12/2012 17:08: Amy: He'd say it wasn't good. Then say how
they were so close
23/12/2012 17:08: Jane: If lt wasn't lies it was at least
severe inconsistency
23/12/2012 17:08: Amy: Yeah he always said he hated his
friends at home
23/12/2012 17:08: Amy: And then ask them to meet up all the
time
23/12/2012 17:09: Amy: And say they were 'real' unlike
people at university
23/12/2012 17:09: Jane: Yeah!
23/12/2012 17:09: Amy: I don't know Jane
23/12/2012 17:09: Amy: I just feel like all this means
23/12/2012 17:09: Amy: He really needed some stability
23/12/2012 17:10: Amy: Which was supposed to be me
23/12/2012 17:10: Amy: And I couldn't give him that
23/12/2012 17:10: Jane: Amy really?
23/12/2012 17:10: Jane: To me it means he'll never be happy
23/12/2012 17:10: Amy: There's no-one else out there
23/12/2012 17:10: Jane: And he'll do whatever it takes,
however selfish, to try add be
23/12/2012 17:11: Amy: He was happy when he was with me.
Mostly. I think he meant some things
23/12/2012 17:11: Amy: One of those was that I filled a hole
in his heart that he always felt was empty before
23/12/2012 17:12: Amy: And then when I broke up with him
23/12/2012 17:12: Amy: He realised any girl could fill that
hole
23/12/2012 17:13: Jane: Well if he feels that way
23/12/2012 17:13: Jane: Is that not alarm bells ringing
23/12/2012 17:14: Amy: No because I don't think it's true
23/12/2012 17:14: Jane: That he's not even thinking about
being exclusive with you
23/12/2012 17:14: Amy: I don't think anyone else gets him as
much as I did
23/12/2012 17:14: Amy: He could be
23/12/2012 17:14: Amy: Or maybe I could live with that
23/12/2012 17:14: Amy: Maybe having him in my life would be
enough
23/12/2012 17:14: Amy: Even if it wasn't exclusive
23/12/2012 17:15: Amy: Jane, you've found Ed. You're in love
with him. Wouldn't you just have him in your life, even if it couldn't be all
or it wasn't exclusive?
23/12/2012 17:16: Jane: Definitely not
23/12/2012 17:16: Jane: I'm in love with him
23/12/2012 17:16: Amy: Really??
23/12/2012 17:16: Jane: But I will not be shared
23/12/2012 17:17: Jane: Or share
23/12/2012 17:17: Amy: Why?
23/12/2012 17:17: Jane: If he doesn't want to be all mine
23/12/2012 17:17: Amy: Isn't love about compromise
23/12/2012 17:17: Jane: Because there's being in love
23/12/2012 17:17: Amy: And giving up things
23/12/2012 17:17: Jane: And there's being happy
23/12/2012 17:17: Jane: And I would not be happy
23/12/2012 17:17: Jane: I would never be happy
23/12/2012 17:17: Amy: How do you know that?
23/12/2012 17:17: Jane: In such a situation
23/12/2012 17:17: Amy: But I'm not happy now.
23/12/2012 17:18: Amy: I could be happier at least then what
I'm feeling now
23/12/2012 17:18: Jane: Because the thought of it hurts me
and causes me a tightness in my chest
23/12/2012 17:18: Jane: To even think of him THINKING
seriously of another girl
23/12/2012 17:19: Amy: But I get that too
23/12/2012 17:19: Amy: And he's not even mine/with me
23/12/2012 17:20: Jane: Yeah naturally
23/12/2012 17:21: Amy: It's his birthday on wed
23/12/2012 17:20: Jane: I mean that's not how I know I love
him
23/12/2012 17:21: Jane: That's just my respecting myself
23/12/2012 17:21: Jane: And knowing my self value
23/12/2012 17:21: Amy: And I respect you so so so much for
that
23/12/2012 17:22: Amy: But I don't feel the same
23/12/2012 17:22: Jane: That's fine
23/12/2012 17:22: Amy: I want to wish him
23/12/2012 17:22: Jane: We all have different things we
value
23/12/2012 17:22: Amy: Call him
23/12/2012 17:22: Amy: Or text him
23/12/2012 17:22: Jane: And make us happy
23/12/2012 17:23: Amy: So I should give him the chance?
23/12/2012 17:23: Amy: Even if it means it's not exclusive
23/12/2012 17:23: Amy: Because it doesn't mean I'll be happy
23/12/2012 17:23: Jane: If you'd be ok with that
23/12/2012 17:23: Amy: I'll just bee happier than I am now
23/12/2012 17:23: Jane: Amy if you're willing to have that
23/12/2012 17:23: Jane: Like I said from the start
23/12/2012 17:24: Jane: Then there is no problem or
discussion
23/12/2012 17:24: Jane: Yes monogamy is conventionally
correct
23/12/2012 17:24: Jane: But as long as you're ok with his
not respecting that
23/12/2012 17:24: Amy: Arrrrghhhhhhh
23/12/2012 17:24: Jane: Then it's fine
23/12/2012 17:24: Amy: But I'm not!
23/12/2012 17:24: Amy: I just want to give him the chance to
prove that he just wants to be with me
23/12/2012 17:24: Jane: I just need to pray
23/12/2012 17:24: Jane: Keep typing
23/12/2012 17:24: Amy: And no-one else
23/12/2012 17:24: Amy: Okay
23/12/2012 17:25: Amy: I would never want to be shared
23/12/2012 17:25: Amy: Or share him
23/12/2012 17:25: Amy: I can't describe to you just how
scared I am
23/12/2012 17:25: Amy: It's like a terrifying realisation
23/12/2012 17:25: Amy: That time is passing me by and I'm
losing out on the only possibility of love
23/12/2012 17:26: Amy: If I give up
23/12/2012 17:26: Amy: I will never find someone else who'll
love me as much or be willing to do as much for me
23/12/2012 17:26: Amy: Because there was a time when Adam
would have done anything for me
23/12/2012 17:26: Amy: And I know it
23/12/2012 17:27: Amy: I hate the feeling of living in
constant fear of the future
23/12/2012 17:27: Amy: Being afraid of new relationships
23/12/2012 17:27: Amy: Because they will never measure up
23/12/2012 17:27: Amy: And because I have him within reach
and yet I'm not trying
23/12/2012 17:29: Amy: Even when guys are interested (and I
never know when they are normally) I can't be interested in them
23/12/2012 17:29: Amy: Yet I somehow make them think I am
23/12/2012 17:29: Amy: I don't know how
23/12/2012 17:30: Amy: One of the guys who asked me out a
few days ago is a close friend
23/12/2012 17:30: Amy: And Adam used to always say he liked
me as more than a friend
23/12/2012 17:30: Amy: And I always said he didnt
23/12/2012 17:30: Amy: But Adam was right
23/12/2012 17:30: Amy: He did
23/12/2012 17:30: Amy: And I just wanted to text Adam and
tell him he was right
23/12/2012 17:31: Amy: And I'm sorry for not listening to
him
23/12/2012 17:31: Amy: But I couldn't. Because I don't know
what he's doing right now
23/12/2012 17:31: Amy: Or who he is loving right now
23/12/2012 17:31: Amy: Because it isn't me
23/12/2012 17:31: Amy: And I don't know if I should log-on
onto his fb
23/12/2012 17:31: Amy: To find out
23/12/2012 17:31: Amy: Or I should avoid it and not try to
find anything out
23/12/2012 17:31: Jane: But Amy
23/12/2012 17:31: Jane: You did try
23/12/2012 17:32: Jane: When he was in your reach
23/12/2012 17:32: Jane: He promised you he'd try
23/12/2012 17:32: Jane: But he failed you more than once
23/12/2012 17:32: Jane: And he's the reason you're afraid of
the future
23/12/2012 17:32: Jane: But like I keep saying
23/12/2012 17:32: Jane: People have been hurt and cheated on
23/12/2012 17:33: Jane: But they learned to love and trust
again
23/12/2012 17:33: Jane: This time appreciating even more the
good things
23/12/2012 17:33: Jane: And I think once you get in the
cycle ofchecking again
23/12/2012 17:33: Jane: The hurt will return
23/12/2012 17:33: Jane: You'll find things you don't like
23/12/2012 17:34: Amy: It's true
23/12/2012 17:35: Amy: But I'll know where he is in his life
23/12/2012 17:35: Amy: I'll know whether he still feels
anything at all for me?
23/12/2012 17:35: Amy: And Jane I don't know anyone who has
been cheated on
23/12/2012 17:35: Amy: And learnt to love and trust again
23/12/2012 17:35: Amy: Actually I don't know anyone who has
been cheated on at all.
23/12/2012 17:36: Jane: Really? So many people have been
cheated on
23/12/2012 17:36: Jane: A simple google search will confirm
that to not
23/12/2012 17:36: Jane: You
23/12/2012 17:37: Amy: Celebrities don't count
23/12/2012 17:37: Amy: I mean real-life, normal people
23/12/2012 17:36: Jane: Are tot telling me none of those
found love again?
23/12/2012 17:37: Amy: Maybe a rare minority did
23/12/2012 17:38: Amy: I'm not a rare minority
23/12/2012 17:38: Amy: Luck is not something that comes my
way
23/12/2012 17:38: Amy: And love isn't either
23/12/2012 17:39: Jane: I'm definitely not referring to
celebrities
23/12/2012 17:39: Jane: I know so many of my friends who
were cheated on, WITH friends
23/12/2012 17:39: Jane: Or some of my friends were the
cheaters
23/12/2012 17:39: Amy: I've never had that
23/12/2012 17:39: Jane: But one of them for example is now
in a very happy relationship
23/12/2012 17:39: Jane: She lives with him
23/12/2012 17:40: Amy: She got lucky
23/12/2012 17:40: Amy: I have no idea how she built her life
up again
23/12/2012 17:40: Jane: Her boyfriend not only abused her,
pressured her to have sex in a camp site and made her feel horrible
23/12/2012 17:40: Jane: But he cheated on her with off of
her closest friends
23/12/2012 17:40: Jane: She's had a few boyfriends in
between
23/12/2012 17:41: Jane: But she's settled down now
23/12/2012 17:41: Amy: Adam didn't do anything that bad
23/12/2012 17:41: Amy: How old is she?
23/12/2012 17:41: Jane: I'd say he emotionally abused you,
23/12/2012 17:41: Jane: And he has put some pressure on you
to sleep with him
23/12/2012 17:42: Jane: And he's made you feel horrible by
blaming you for all this and telling you you've lost your chance of being happy
23/12/2012 17:43: Amy: How long did it take her to get with
the next guy?
23/12/2012 17:43: Amy: Yes but there was a point when he
also loved me
23/12/2012 17:42: Jane: The only thing he didn't do was hit
you, which actually he did physically hurt you that time in that flat
23/12/2012 17:42: Jane: And he hasn't cheated on you with a
close friend
23/12/2012 17:43: Jane: But he probably would have if your
friends weren't loyal to you and he saw a window
23/12/2012 17:43: Jane: She's my age, well not yet 21
23/12/2012 17:43: Jane: She's not at uni she worth
23/12/2012 17:43: Jane: Works
23/12/2012 17:44: Amy: So she had time
23/12/2012 17:44: Amy: She was younger
23/12/2012 17:44: Amy: When did he cheat on her?
23/12/2012 17:44: Amy: How old was she?
23/12/2012 17:44: Jane: Well it took her about 5 months to
start a new relationship
23/12/2012 17:44: Jane: I'd say she's had about 3 boyfriends
between that douche and the one she has now
23/12/2012 17:45: Amy: And how did she feel about her close
friend? Are they still friends?
23/12/2012 17:44: Jane: And 16
23/12/2012 17:45: Jane: But if permanent damage were to be
done, it would have been done
23/12/2012 17:46: Amy: You don't think permanent damage was
done?
23/12/2012 17:48: Amy: How did she cope in those 5 months
after him
23/12/2012 17:52: Jane: Well
23/12/2012 17:52: Jane: I think permanent damage was done
against the guy
23/12/2012 17:53: Jane: She'd never get back with him now
23/12/2012 17:53: Jane: Even though at the time she kept
trying ways to make him think about her
23/12/2012 17:53: Jane: She'd apologise to him and hope it
would reverse psychology him into feeling babe
23/12/2012 17:53: Jane: Bad
23/12/2012 17:54: Jane: With the friend I think she hated
her more
23/12/2012 17:54: Jane: They never became friends again
23/12/2012 17:54: Amy: Does she miss him? Or anything he
did, still?
23/12/2012 17:54: Jane: But she definitely accepted that it
was just him
23/12/2012 17:54: Jane: That the traits were exclusive lo
him
23/12/2012 17:54: Jane: Yeah she missed him re much
23/12/2012 17:55: Jane: She wanted him back so badly
23/12/2012 17:55: Jane: They had a lot in common, he was her
first,
23/12/2012 17:55: Jane: Her mum and everyone know
23/12/2012 17:55: Amy: How did she not go back to him?
23/12/2012 17:55: Jane: She went on holiday with him
23/12/2012 17:55: Jane: Well because he was now with her
friend
23/12/2012 17:55: Jane: And she couldn't do anything about
it
23/12/2012 17:56: Jane: She had to just accept it
23/12/2012 17:56: Jane: But it wasn't easy
23/12/2012 17:56: Jane: Considering she'd been with him for
a long time
23/12/2012 17:56: Jane: She lost amazing friendships
23/12/2012 17:56: Amy: Are her friend and him still
together?
23/12/2012 17:56: Jane: At the risk of sounding arrogant she
lost me
23/12/2012 17:57: Jane: And we were so close
23/12/2012 17:57: Jane: No they're not,
23/12/2012 17:57: Amy: Are you close with her again?
23/12/2012 17:57: Jane: Crazily he moved on to another of
her friends
23/12/2012 17:57: Jane: Finally he seemed happy and settled
23/12/2012 17:57: Jane: But they recently broke up
23/12/2012 17:57: Jane: No,
23/12/2012 17:57: Jane: Unfortunately I was too unforgiving
23/12/2012 17:57: Amy: Why?
23/12/2012 17:57: Jane: Because I was too hurt that she'd
put him before me
23/12/2012 17:58: Amy: Oh
23/12/2012 17:58: Jane: When I could see how disgusting he
waS
23/12/2012 17:58: Jane: But if I could go back I would
definitely be more forgiving
23/12/2012 17:58: Jane: Because I understand now
23/12/2012 17:58: Jane: But I constantly supported her
23/12/2012 17:58: Amy: So if I go back to Adam you won't
forgive me? ;)
23/12/2012 17:58: Jane: But whenever things were good
23/12/2012 17:58: Jane: Which became increasingly rare
23/12/2012 17:58: Jane: She'd forget me
23/12/2012 17:59: Jane: Yeah I would
23/12/2012 17:59: Jane: Because my mindset has changed
completely
23/12/2012 17:59: Amy: I wouldn't though
23/12/2012 17:59: Amy: I think, the scary thing is,
23/12/2012 17:59: Amy: I've accepted that he doesn't want me
23/12/2012 17:59: Amy: So I could never go back
23/12/2012 17:59: Amy: I've actually accepted that
23/12/2012 17:59: Amy: As much as I want him back
23/12/2012 18:00: Amy: And want to get back with him
23/12/2012 18:00: Amy: I haven't accepted that there will be
anyone else for me
23/12/2012 18:00: Amy: But better alone than unhappy and
hurt with him
23/12/2012 18:00: Amy: Did she try to be friends with you
again?
23/12/2012 18:01: Jane: Yeah exactly, but alone for now
23/12/2012 18:01: Jane: Well yeah she did,
23/12/2012 18:01: Jane: But I kind of lost trust in her and
was bitter
23/12/2012 18:01: Amy: You had every right to I guess
23/12/2012 18:01: Jane: I'd try so hard but the connection
had gone
23/12/2012 18:01: Jane: And it was an amazing connection
23/12/2012 18:02: Jane: It was all very complex
23/12/2012 18:02: Amy: Sounds simple to me
23/12/2012 18:02: Amy: But I'm just a simpleton at times :P
23/12/2012 18:02: Amy: Time just changes relationships
23/12/2012 18:02: Jane: But yeah I felt she changed a lot
23/12/2012 18:02: Jane: And I'd changed
23/12/2012 18:02: Jane: And our paths were diverging
23/12/2012 18:02: Jane: She's now changed completely
23/12/2012 18:02: Jane: Not the same person
23/12/2012 18:03: Jane: But she reminisces a lot
23/12/2012 18:03: Amy: And there's no way to get 'back'
23/12/2012 18:03: Jane: She'd message me a lot saying she
misses our friendship in school
23/12/2012 18:03: Amy: Oh wow
23/12/2012 18:03: Jane: But that's exactly what it was, our
friendship in school
23/12/2012 18:03: Amy: That's actually years ago
23/12/2012 18:04: Jane: I see her now occasionally and we
don't even say hi
23/12/2012 18:04: Amy: Really???
23/12/2012 18:04: Amy: Wow
23/12/2012 18:04: Amy: Don't even acknowledge each other?
23/12/2012 18:04: Jane: And I blocked her statuses on my
news feed
23/12/2012 18:04: Jane: Because they were like 5 a day
23/12/2012 18:04: Jane: Mostly complaints
23/12/2012 18:04: Jane: She's just changed a lot
23/12/2012 18:05: Jane: And she stayed with him for too long
23/12/2012 18:05: Jane: Knowing it was dead
23/12/2012 18:05: Jane: Well
23/12/2012 18:05: Jane: It's hard
23/12/2012 18:06: Jane: Because at college we stopped
talking
23/12/2012 18:06: Jane: So it was weird to force it after
we'd left
23/12/2012 18:06: Jane: I used to get so frustrated at her
23/12/2012 18:06: Jane: Knowing what he was doing
23/12/2012 18:07: Amy: Did she change because she stayed
with him for too long?
23/12/2012 18:07: Jane: And yet she'd still stay with him
23/12/2012 18:07: Jane: But I understand now
23/12/2012 18:07: Jane: I think partly yeah
23/12/2012 18:07: Amy: I think it's hard for people who're
not "in" it to understand
23/12/2012 18:07: Jane: But partly just her
23/12/2012 18:07: Amy: I guess my situation helps you
understand it better too?
23/12/2012 18:08: Jane: I think I understand more now with
your situation
23/12/2012 18:08: Amy: Because Britney doesn't get it at all.
And neither do a lot of people. For them it's a simple matter of "move
on!"
23/12/2012 18:08: Jane: Because my best friend Sophie was
treated horribly by her boyfriend
23/12/2012 18:08: Amy: But it's not like that
23/12/2012 18:08: Jane: And I guess being in a relationship
23/12/2012 18:08: Jane: Seeing the things people say about
ed
23/12/2012 18:09: Jane: And still wanting to be with him but
wanting to keep my friendships
23/12/2012 18:09: Amy: See. It's "outsiders" they
don't know it.
23/12/2012 18:09: Jane: Yeah exactly
23/12/2012 18:09: Jane: It is
23/12/2012 18:09: Amy: Do people know about that yet btw?
23/12/2012 18:09: Jane: So easy seeing things when you're on
the outside
23/12/2012 18:09: Jane: But that can also be a blessing
23/12/2012 18:09: Jane: You shouldn't ignore what people say
because they're not in
23/12/2012 18:10: Jane: But at the same time you should
definitely reassure yourself that it would be just as hard for each and every
one of them had they been on the inside
23/12/2012 18:11: Jane: Thing is when girls used to say
23/12/2012 18:11: Jane: 'no one gets him like I do'
23/12/2012 18:11: Jane: I used to cringe like crazy
23/12/2012 18:11: Jane: But I really truly understaffed that
now
23/12/2012 18:11: Jane: But, but.
23/12/2012 18:11: Jane: When it comes lo cheating, there is
no excuse
23/12/2012 18:12: Jane: That doesn't make it easier, I'm
just saying it doesn't matter how well you know them etc
23/12/2012 18:12: Jane: Do people know about me and ed?
23/12/2012 18:12: Amy: Brb
23/12/2012 18:12: Jane: Alright
23/12/2012 18:17: Amy: Back
23/12/2012 18:18: Amy: My sister couldn't find something she
just "had to have"!
23/12/2012 18:18: Amy: -__-
23/12/2012 18:19: Amy: I know there is no excuse to cheating
23/12/2012 18:19: Amy: But it's SO hard to not look for
those non-existent excuses
23/12/2012 18:19: Jane: Yeah completely
23/12/2012 18:19: Amy: I can barely watch a kissing scene in
any movie without thinking about him
23/12/2012 18:20: Jane: Like I said it doesn't make things
easier or more straightforward
23/12/2012 18:20: Amy: As weird as that is
23/12/2012 18:20: Amy: Every song
23/12/2012 18:20: Amy: Every movie
23/12/2012 18:20: Amy: Every story
23/12/2012 18:20: Jane: It just makes it more 'plain' for
outsiders
23/12/2012 18:20: Amy: Yeah
23/12/2012 18:20: Jane: And naturally, yeah
23/12/2012 18:20: Amy: That's why I was ready to hear Ed's
views
23/12/2012 18:20: Amy: And wanted Martin's advice
23/12/2012 18:20: Jane: But that doesn't make him right, and
you'll get that again with someone else
23/12/2012 18:21: Amy: I wanted them to lay out the
"obvious" so I know what I "think" and what's actually
there
23/12/2012 18:21: Amy: I really really want to believe that
23/12/2012 18:21: Amy: But when I talk to friends they're
like "it takes a month to get over someone"
23/12/2012 18:21: Amy: And I've had that
23/12/2012 18:21: Amy: Yet I'm not over him
23/12/2012 18:22: Amy: So I feel like I'm doomed to never
get over it
23/12/2012 18:22: Jane: No no
23/12/2012 18:22: Jane: I don't think there's a time scale
at all
23/12/2012 18:22: Jane: Like I said I was in love with mark
for over a year
23/12/2012 18:23: Amy: Yeah you did
23/12/2012 18:23: Amy: But if I take a year, Jane
23/12/2012 18:23: Jane: I only got over him when I realised
I COULD potentially be with someone else
23/12/2012 18:23: Amy: I'll fail
23/12/2012 18:23: Amy: I can't concentrate at all
23/12/2012 18:23: Amy: I haven't touched any work since
about oct
23/12/2012 18:23: Amy: I skipped classes
23/12/2012 18:23: Amy: Lectures
23/12/2012 18:23: Jane: But I took so long because I guess I
wasn't meeting new people or distracting myself
23/12/2012 18:23: Amy: Missed all my deadlines
23/12/2012 18:24: Amy: Didn't submit problem sets
23/12/2012 18:24: Jane: You're close now
23/12/2012 18:24: Amy: I wrote half a page for summative essay
23/12/2012 18:24: Jane: You're close
23/12/2012 18:24: Amy: To getting over him?
23/12/2012 18:24: Amy: Do you really think so??
23/12/2012 18:24: Jane: I told you you're near to the gap in
the key ring
23/12/2012 18:24: Jane: Yes I do
23/12/2012 18:24: Jane: The fact you resisted communication
23/12/2012 18:24: Amy: How?
23/12/2012 18:25: Amy: But so has he
23/12/2012 18:25: Amy: That's why.
23/12/2012 18:25: Jane: The fact you haven't checked his
facebook
23/12/2012 18:25: Amy: If he contacted me
23/12/2012 18:25: Amy: I don't know if I could avoid it
23/12/2012 18:25: Jane: Doesn't matter
23/12/2012 18:25: Jane: You are getting closer
23/12/2012 18:25: Amy: Doesn't mean I haven't been tempted
to check it every day
23/12/2012 18:25: Amy: I just haven't.
23/12/2012 18:25: Jane: Thing is
23/12/2012 18:26: Jane: You perceive a lot vested in taking
him back
23/12/2012 18:26: Jane: You feel you'll be able to work
again etc
23/12/2012 18:26: Jane: Those are other factors that keep
you hanging on
23/12/2012 18:27: Jane: But once you gain back control in
those areas
23/12/2012 18:27: Amy: You're right
23/12/2012 18:27: Amy: I hadn't thought about it consciously
before
23/12/2012 18:27: Amy: But yeah
23/12/2012 18:27: Jane: You'll start noticing things
simultaneously work
23/12/2012 18:27: Jane: The more you gain back control
23/12/2012 18:27: Jane: The more you get over him
23/12/2012 18:27: Jane: The more you gain back more control
23/12/2012 18:28: Jane: But believe me you're doing so well
23/12/2012 18:28: Jane: It's not easy
23/12/2012 18:28: Jane: It would be so much easier to get
back with him
23/12/2012 18:28: Amy: I think getting him back would mean I
could work, be happy, sleep better, eat better, go out more, work harder
23/12/2012 18:29: Amy: What if it doesn't work?
23/12/2012 18:29: Amy: What's the back-up plan?
23/12/2012 18:29: Amy: To go back to him? Or to just accept
that I can't handle it and take time off
23/12/2012 18:28: Jane: Yep
23/12/2012 18:29: Jane: But that would be a removal of the
fact that he has put you in this situation
23/12/2012 18:29: Jane: And going back to that person will
not fix these things
23/12/2012 18:29: Jane: You'll just put them on hold for
even longer
23/12/2012 18:30: Jane: Let's say you 'correct' yourself by
marc.
23/12/2012 18:30: Jane: Perfect timing
23/12/2012 18:30: Jane: You go back to him
23/12/2012 18:30: Jane: Regardless, it will only take
longer, and that's the only thing I can absolutely guarantee you with all of my
heart
23/12/2012 18:31: Jane: You could go back to him eventually
23/12/2012 18:31: Amy: And one more thing.
23/12/2012 18:31: Jane: But I promise you so long as he has
not been single, had time to reflect and admitted to you he's wrong
23/12/2012 18:31: Jane: Then he will NOT change.
23/12/2012 18:31: Amy: It's hard to move on because I don't
know how to end it
23/12/2012 18:31: Amy: Do I forgive him?
23/12/2012 18:31: Amy: Hate him?
23/12/2012 18:32: Amy: Forget him?
23/12/2012 18:32: Jane: I think ideally forgive him
23/12/2012 18:32: Jane: But that's very hard to do
considering he hasn't admitted most things
23/12/2012 18:32: Amy: There have been days when I just feel
pity for him
23/12/2012 18:32: Jane: But forgiveness will take him off
worr mind more
23/12/2012 18:32: Amy: Rare days
23/12/2012 18:33: Jane: But you must make a distinction
between forgiveness and second chances
23/12/2012 18:41: Jane: So I mean if you can forgive him it
would make it easier to recover
23/12/2012 18:41: Jane: So long as you don't let him back in
23/12/2012 18:41: Jane: But I don't think it's necessary to
move on
23/12/2012 18:41: Amy: How do I forgive him?
23/12/2012 18:42: Amy: As in how do I know I've forgiven
him?
23/12/2012 18:42: Jane: I'm not sure,
23/12/2012 18:42: Amy: I already don't blame him for
cheating
23/12/2012 18:42: Jane: Well
23/12/2012 18:42: Amy: He had every right to
23/12/2012 18:42: Jane: I guess you don't pain every time
you think about him
23/12/2012 18:42: Jane: I don't think that's forgiveness
23/12/2012 18:42: Jane: Letting him justify cheating
23/12/2012 18:42: Amy: I blame him for the lies and hurting
23/12/2012 18:42: Jane: And I think it's dangerous if you
think and feel cheating can be justified
23/12/2012 18:43: Amy: But I never felt anger
23/12/2012 18:43: Amy: Ever
23/12/2012 18:43: Amy: Towards him
23/12/2012 18:43: Jane: I think forgiveness in the sense of
healing is more...
23/12/2012 18:43: Jane: Probably accepting that he's not
right for you and so it's ok
23/12/2012 18:44: Jane: But that's so hard lo explain
23/12/2012 18:45: Amy: I can sort of see it
23/12/2012 18:45: Amy: That would take time
23/12/2012 18:45: Amy: And it would take me seeing him
23/12/2012 18:45: Amy: And not feeling anything
23/12/2012 18:46: Amy: Which is near impossible since I
don't have enough time "away" to recover
23/12/2012 18:46: Amy: I'll be seeing him so soon
23/12/2012 18:46: Amy: Too soon
23/12/2012 18:46: Amy: But I think the day I see him
23/12/2012 18:46: Amy: And not feel anything
23/12/2012 18:47: Amy: I will be able to truly say I'm over
him
23/12/2012 18:49: Jane: Maybe you'll not feel like that
though, maybe that won't be necessary, to see him and feel absolutely nothing
23/12/2012 18:50: Amy: He has done it. Why can't I?
23/12/2012 18:50: Amy: It should be easier to be cold
23/12/2012 18:50: Amy: And not care
23/12/2012 18:54: Jane: We all deal with things in different
ways and in our own pace
23/12/2012 18:55: Jane: But just try and trust that it will
happen
23/12/2012 18:55: Amy: I will :)
23/12/2012 18:56: Amy: Do you know you're awesome, right?
23/12/2012 18:56: Amy: Just talking to you makes everything
feel a million times better
23/12/2012 18:56: Amy: Eventually it's up to me to stand up
for myself and move on
It's just helped put things in perspective and I feel stronger about not running back to Adam. He doesn't deserve to be with me. I just need to keep reminding myself that.
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