"Gay. Gay. Gay."

I have been trying to move on.

There's a guy in my finance class, Jack, who I had a slight crush on and I wanted to see if I could take it any further. He is a third year economics student and we talked for a before class once and the conversation flowed really well.

Since then however, we didn't get a chance to talk as he usually came to class late and never sat next to me even though I would always try to make sure there was a space next to me. He also had another class straight afterwards so had to rush off. I guess I should have got the message?

But on Monday I was finishing dinner and as I was leaving the dinner hall I saw him coming in. I said "Hi" and he replied.

"Do you think there is anyone around who I may know?" He asked.

"Erm.. I'm not sure, but I could sit with you if you want?"

"No, it's okay! I'll feel bad making you sit here with me and just watching me eat!"

"Haha no, I don't mind at all."

"No, don't worry, it's fine. I'll feel bad."

I insisted and eventually we sat down at a table with another guy who neither of us knew. He introduced himself to the guy and so did I. Then he talked to the guy while I just sat awkwardly, not sure whether I should get involved in the conversation or not, and the other guy didn't seem to keen to talk to me for some reason - I suspect he was just the shy type. He left after 15 minutes or so.

I asked Jack how his holiday had been and he said it was good, he had stayed at the student halls and not gone home. Then his phone rang.

I expected that he would just pick up and tell his friend that he would call him back, but no. It was obviously a close friend and Jack talked to him for about five minutes, while I texted my friend, Britney, telling her I was never ever going to get anywhere with Jack.

Eventually Jack put the phone down.

"Old friend?" I asked.

"Yes, actually. He was calling as he's moving houses. His flatmates kicked him out of their flat and he insists it was my fault!"

"Wow. What did you do this time!?"

"Nothing so drastic! I was around his flat a few nights ago and we got really really drunk. I started revealing secrets about myself and in the morning his flatmates were like, 'we heard everything you guys said, we want you to leave'. Bit over the top I thought."

"I can't even imagine what you must have said! Is he a third year too?"

"Yes, he is a third year too, but he is more...erm... feminine. For example he is into gossip and fashion." Jack replied, "I go there to get all the gossip from him!"

My mind went into overdrive. I remembered the last time me and Jack had had dinner together. He had referred to his younger roommate as 'cute'. Now he was referring to a close friend as 'feminine'. My head was screaming "Gay. Gay. Gay. Gay. Gay." But it got worse.

"How much did you have to drink!?? I bet you couldn't even remember what you said that got him kicked out!" I said aghast.

"Oh way too much. I think I have a problem."

"You're an alcoholic?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Well, yes. But I know it."

"So you plan to do something about it?"

"Haha no!"

That ruined the last but of hope I had left. I refuse to get involved with another alcoholic. Adam always drank too much and once got violent towards me after a 'amazing' night out, binge drinking. I have decided to give up alcohol and haven't drank (save a few sips of white wine) since November 23rd - coincidentally the last time I talked to Adam in person too, but that's another story.

Me and Jack then talked about my subjects and he had studied the same econometrics course as me. He offered to help me out with a question. I said I would let him know. He asked if I had his number and then we exchanged numbers. I was determined that he had to be the one asking for my number, not the other way round. But I felt empty giving it to him.

"I will text you if I get stuck on a question!" I said as we were leaving.

I eventually texted him about an hour and a half later:

"Hey, I just can't seem to be able to prove this. Still willing to help me out (or do I need to remind you about the waiting during dinner time?) :P "

I didn't get a reply until about 2 hours afterwards:

"Ah I just got back from my friends (he gave me plenty of gossip :P ), maybe we can find some time before/after class tomorrow"

My class was at 9am in the morning so it was unlikely we would. And I was annoyed that he hadn't bothered to text back earlier even though he was the one who had offered to help.

"Haha hope you enjoyed it, I now know how much you like gossip! :P thanks, but my class is at 9am. I'll have another go at it."

I am almost completely convinced that he really is gay. But for all I know he could have a girlfriend. Either way, he doesn't seem interested at all. I guess I'm going to have to accept that I need to stop trying to move on and just be happy on my own. There don't seem to many possible guys left out there.