Failing University

I have spent the last 5 hours attempting my finance homework and failed to get past the first question.

Instead of breezing through the work, like I expected, I have spent more time day-dreaming about Adam and wondering how he is and what eventually happened with his love life. A part of me is tempted to log back onto Facebook and try to get as much info about who he is now.

Yesterday I had an exam and it didn't go well. I couldn't focus and felt sick every time because I was spending almost 24 hours a day with Adam during the last exam session. We revised together, ate together and spent every free moment with each other. Seems like a lifetime ago. Sometimes I can't quite believe how far we've both gone. Too far to go back.

I was also half-hoping and half-dreading running into him yesterday - my first day back at university. I spent longer than usual getting ready because I wanted him to see me and regret what he gave up - I still wanted him to want me.

But today I am more worried about passing university. The whole relationship problems have taken their toll and I am struggling to find the energy and motivation to focus. My friends have told me that "You can't afford to fail." and they're right - it's just about putting those words into action. I have chosen to do the hardest five courses the Economics department offers (the decision was made before the dreaded post-relationship blues) and now I guess I am too proud to let it go.

I'm sure there are other people out there, some of my friends even, who are in the same position. Perhaps they are struggling while trying to balance work after a loss in the family or recovering after an illness and I think the only way to make it through it so take it one day at a time and treat every new day as a new chance.

Last term I failed almost all my problem sets, scoring <40% on most. For a previously straight-A student this feels like I'm watching my life derail in front of my eyes, but I need to keep pushing. When you're at the bottom, you can only go up.

I hope I do. And if this sounds familiar, I hope you do too.