Confession

I have a confession to make.

I couldn't hold back my curiosity any longer and logged onto his Facebook. I was in so much pain and the not-knowing was only making it harder so I did it. What I found shocked me.

The last time I had logged on was just before he had planned the date in a tent with Jemma. I found out that the date had not gone well. The conversation hadn't flowed smoothly and he called her 'boring'. She had subsequently deleted him on Facebook. I was over the moon. That must have helped him see what he had given up when he lost me.

But that wasn't all, I also found a lot more than I expected in terms of girls. He had tried with dozens. He had gone after every possible girl and is currently hoping to "bum this Chloe girl, a receptionist at the gym, for Valentines." That hurt. But I knew I would find something like that. There was another girl "a cute Asian at Sainsburys who is obviously very interested."

I guess I just wanted him to be miserable and regret what he had done. But though I wanted to know what had happened, I also knew that it was none of my business to snoop into what he is up to now. But I want him to want me, yet he has written to all his (and my) friends that he is now "totally over" me. Slap in the face?

I also saw that he had added many many girls over the past few weeks. Increasing his pool of prospects I guess. I feel happier though. I realise that he's so desperate to be with someone, but that someone will never be like me, which he doesn't realise yet.

He will.