I miss you like crazy

Dear Adam,

I don't know where to start, simply because we have been strangers for so long. I can remember when I thought I knew you better than anyone else and I felt you knew me well too. All that seems like a different lifetime.

I wanted to write to you to let you know that I miss you like crazy. I miss you every single moment of every day and I spend the time just thinking about how happy you made me and wonder what you're doing right now. It's scary to imagine that this time last year we were dreaming our entire lives together. How foolish were we!?

The saddest part is that you probably don't even know this.

I heard you went home last weekend from your flatmate. I was shocked that you would go home on the weekend before we were due to move back anyway, but then I started questioning if this was because of me. Were you so upset after seeing another guy hugging me that you had to get away from it all?

I just keep thinking about whether you even remember me or if you've found love somewhere else. The temptation to find out, either through a friend or by logging onto your Facebook is so great, but I know that will stall my recovery, and truth be told, I'm afraid of what I may find.

A part of me wants to call you up right now and tell you everything. But I don't know how you will react. I don't even know if you might be with another girl and I would just be getting in the way.

But I can't go through everything again. I can't deal with the pain you put me through the first time, and recently someone told me that cutting contact means there is "no new pain" and at least that part is true. I just need to wait for the old pain to fade away.

"Time heals" everyone tells me. They say that I will move on and fall in love with someone who deserves my love, but I just feel like that chance was you, and you gave up on us. I guess the only part of me that doesn't blame me reminds me that you chose to cheat and then you chose not to prove your so-called love for me. If you had wanted me bad enough, you would never have done that.

You were an important lesson of my life. I just wish I hadn't been taught that lesson through so much pain, so young.

I miss you, but I'm moving on. Time heals.

Amy